Our son Ted began speech therapy in the spring of his kindergarten year. He struggled with some of his letters and combinations. I was the parent who took him each week to meet with the therapist. Together, we played games which just so happened to deal with his speech. Marvellous coincidence. The therapist was very engaging for Ted. She made the tasks enjoyable. 

What was amazing to me was the process of making the sounds. One of his toughest challenges was the "diphthongs." These are combinations of consonants found in tongue twisters.

The mechanics of the "sh" were natural until you began to think about how to make the sound. The shape of the lips, position of tongue and teeth, and amount of air passing all combine to make that sound. For greater certainty, you place your index finger in front of your lips in that universal "Be quiet!" message. 

Ted made excellent progress and really benefited from the experience. I became more conscious of how I spoke too.

Since the divorce, I have had to begin speech therapy. There are so many occasions when I would normally talk from the perspective of "we." There was never any doubt in my mind that I was a part of a couple. While I had my own identity and Judy had hers, it was very natural and enjoyable for me to be identified with my wife. It was "we" not just "me." 

"Married" does give you the opportunity to use the "royal we." It was a privilege to say to a hurting friend, "We will be praying for you -- call us when you need to talk." We were better than either of us alone. As a couple, we had more impact and were of greater benefit to others in our ministry and our lives.

The balance of our abilities was great. Judy was better than I was in some areas and vice versa. The relationship had been very complimentary. I drew strength from our oneness.

Now, I catch myself saying "we" which only can mean that I am schizophrenic since there is no longer an "us." (Unless it is Toffee and me -- and we seldom agree.) So many occasions where people expect me to be a "we" and presume that I have an easy answer. "Is your wife at home? .... What is your wife's name? .... Where is your family?"

When I begin my story they quickly wish that they never asked. I guess that I look like the "married type." They look incredulously at me. It is as if they keep waiting for me to crack a smile and say "just kidding." I have tried a number of different scripts. "I am not married." "I am single again." "My wife left me and we are now divorced." "I am the proud father of two children." "I am alone." I am tempted to say, "My first wife died of a bad heart." Ugh.

How do you quickly explain the essentials? The death of a spouse leads to a statement like "I am a widow." That evokes sympathy and support with usually very few questions. To say that I am separated or now divorced leaves many questions un-asked but not un-thought. Do we pretend that they are not asking? How much information is enough?

I will continue to struggle with my emotional tongue twisters to deal with this indescribable state. I'll continue my speech therapy.